The Dromomaniac

Hurricane

I am just a dreamer,
but you are just a dream,
You could have been
anyone to me.
Before that moment
you touched my lips
That perfect feeling
when time just slips
Away between us
on our foggy trip.

Rainy Day Sunshine

Welp, I met up with some friends last night and feel oodles better. It was necessary to talk and commiserate and plan for a bottle of Krug. Necessary, I tell ya.

And oddly, the rain is helping today, too. I'm reading "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion, and she notes how tragedies happen in the midst of the ordinary. After 9/11, everyone (myself included) kept talking about how it had been a beautiful, ordinary September morning before the planes hit. When Papi died, it was as he sat down to an ordinary midweek dinner. My friend was mauled in a car crash running errands on an ordinary Satuday. It's hard for me to understand how someone can be gone when the sun is streaking beautifully across the skies for the first time in weeks. Today, in the ordinary rain and under the ordinary clouds, it makes more sense.

But today is warm, which is also giving a hint at spring. It won't last - cold air is expected this evening - but it temporarily hearkens to days of sandals and rose wine and outdoor concerts. More birds are chirping and the snow is melted. For now, anyway. But for now, that's enough.

Tender

You know how you feel after you've been through a very exhaustive physical experience? Like a bad illness, or a car accident, or surgery? That's how I feel mentally: everything feels very delicately balanced, and if the wind blows me any which way, the house of cards faces a painful collapse. I don't recall ever reacting so strongly to a blow in the past; I'm a suck-it-up-and-deal-with-it kinda chick. But for some reason, Jenn's death has set all sorts of images and thoughts and memories into motion. And I'm so overwhelmed with work and class and desired side-projects that I'd love to ignore it all and focus, but I can't. Nightmares have set in already.

For Everyone So Far

River, river carry me on
Living river carry me on
River, river carry me on
To the place where I come from

So deep, so wide, will you take me on your back for a ride
If I should fall, would you swallow me deep inside

River, show me how to float
I feel like I'm sinking down
Thought that I could get along
But here in this water
My feet won't touch the ground
I need something to turn myself around

Going away, away towards the sea
River deep, can you lift up and carry me
Oh roll on though the heartland
til the sun has left the sky
River, river carry me high
til the washing of the water make it all alright
Let your waters reach me like she reached me tonight

Letting go, it's so hard
The way it's hurting now
To get this love untied
So tough to stay with thing
cause if I follow through
I face what I denied
I get those hooks out of me
And I take out the hooks that I sunk deep in your side
Kill that fear of emptiness, loneliness I hide

River, oh river, river running deep
Bring me something that will let me get to sleep
In the washing of the water will you take it all away
Bring me something to take this pain away

The Notice

LANSFORD, Jennifer Kathleen, 33, of Buffalo, formerly of Auburn, died Monday, Feb. 23, 2009. Celebration of Life Service will be announced. No calling hours. Arrangements by Farrell"s Funeral Service Inc., 84 South St., Auburn.

From what I've been told, she'd been ill for several days and called in to work. She finally called a friend to bring her to the hospital but was too weak to make it to the door when the friend arrived and collapsed en route. She was dead by the time the cops got through to her.

It's mind blowing. I can't imagine what went wrong. I know that if someone has a heart condition, a bad flu could do her in, so who knows? It's so unlike her to not go to the doctor earlier. It's also strange because no one really knew how sick she was.

Very, very sad times.

Tragedy

I just found out that my former roommate was found dead. I'm not sure of the details; one said she was found yesterday, another said this morning, but it's horrifying in either case. She was only 33.

Whine

Every time I walk in to a supermarket or a liquor store, I'm asked to sign a petition. New York state is finally considering allowing supermarkets to sell wine, so you can imagine what an uproar this is causing. Every liquor store has a petition to 'protect mom & pop shops", or 'protect small business', or (my favorite) 'protect our teenagers'. Supermarkets are thrilled and asking shoppers to sign petitions to affirm their desire to be able to buy wine along side their groceries. 

Now, considering I've worked in a mom & pop liquor store, a boutique wine shop, and a liquor megastore, you might think I'm all for the liquor stores on this one. Quite frankly, I'd be thrilled to be able to buy a bottle of wine at Wegman's! As for protecting mom & pop liquor stores, well, they'll do just fine because liquor will still be off-limits for grocery stores. And there are plenty of small grocers around and huge wine warehouses, so the 'protect small business' line isn't one I buy either. Finally, our teenagers ain't going to be any more or any less vulnerable if wine is in supermarkets. I have yet to meet a 15 year old who thinks of Merlot as a party in a bottle. That's what wine coolers are for. Which are sold in supermarkets.

Honestly, I think wine in grocery stores will help wine boutiques. Most supermarkets do not have the time, space, or means to create a really specialized wine boutique with knowledgeable staff. Sure, they can do quickie trainings for some, but changing these antiquated laws would separate the men from the boys: boutiques will become more relevant and the half-assed jug-wine sellers would fold. Swoon.

Fly Fly Away

I'm in the middle of perhaps my favorite activity ever: searching for airfares. We're planning on going to Athens and Dubrovnik for our honeymoon, so years of experience has learned me to book early. I've found a flight from Buffalo to Athens for $1000, which is actually not bad considering we'll be going in the summer, at the peak of travel season. The good news is that we're uber-flexible, so I called an agent who suggested we leave from Toronto and fly back from Dubrovnik. Indeed. He's investigating now. We also need to check out how to get from Athens to Dubrovnik, because we don't know if we'll fly, walk, drive, or swim. We have a place to stay in Athens (!!) but the rest is wide open. No matter what happens, I'm so glad I'll be able to casually drop "Well, when we were in Albania..." into conversation come September. 

Incessant blabber

So I know I've been a bad Dromomaniac, but, see, it goes like this: I've been lazy and all.

I went to NYC on Monday morning to see Moe and Kels; our mission was to go dress shopping, and shop we did with partial-success. We didn't find The Dress(es) for them, but we got a better idea of what the others were thinking. I'm a real bad Bridezilla because I have so few parameters for them. I spent the night at my mom's, where we inhaled an eggplant dish and a bottle of Bonnaventure's Chinon. Mmm. I turned right back 'round and found myself in Manhattan again on Tuesday because I wanted to go to the Met for my term paper. I love the Met. One of the first treats I bought for myself when I moved to NYC was a Met membership, and I'd go every Sunday by myself as soon as it opened; it was delicious to have entire galleries to myself. Sadly, the Costume Institute AND the Islamic Arts wings were both closed for installations this time. I ended up writing about a painting by El Greco, which was a surprise because I tend not to be a huge fan of that era. After the Met, I went downtown and roamed around the East Village for a bit and stopped into to dba for a beer. The weather was perfect - chilly, but not cold, and sunny. I ended up walking about 6 miles, I think. I was POOPED by the time I made my way back to JFK for my late flight home.

Since then, I've ben furiously scribbling in addresses onto Save the Date cards and being treated to food + drink by friends. 'Tis a hard knock life.

Chances Are

With my flight out of here early tomorrow, Paul is naturally a little concerned for my safety given the recent events round these parts. The odds are with me on this one; I've yet to hear/read about two flights going down in the same area in the same week.

But! I'm stoked to see my friends! Moe and Kels and I are meeting up midtown around noon to start the shopathon. Since I kinda already have what I need, I'll be scoping out footwear candidates. I've already told the ladies that I honestly don't care what they wear as bridesmaids as long as (a) they don't spend a lot, and (b) they swear they'll wear the dress again. Oh, and that they don't buy something pink. No pink. Ever. 

On Wednesday, I'm going to go to the Met, and I haven't been there in a few years. I've already got about 1/3 of my term paper done, so my Met visit will take care of another 1/3.  I'll finish it all up with the Albright. I'm looking forward to the Met, though. 

'Course I'd be more excited if I wasn't so exhausted right now. Laying around all day with a full belly is tiring work.